The day, I knew.

So, I’ve spent the past day contemplating where to start my story…to be honest I still haven’t decided. I am just going to write and let my story tell itself.

My gorgeous girl was born on a Wednesday night, if you are a Mom, you know the overwhelming love you feel in those first few days. I spent the next 2 days in hospital, which normally would have drove me bonkers, as I am NOT a sit still kind of girl!  But I didn’t mind so much, as I literally just held and stared in awe at this incredible little person that I brought into this world! The next few weeks were the typical sleepless whirlwind of being a new parent.

When Baby D was 3 weeks old, I got a call to go for yet another appointment, this one for her newborn hearing screening. These typically are done in hospital but the nurse who perfrorms them was off while I was there. Any new parent knows the stress of getting a baby off to an appointment, is she going to cooperate? Will she need to nurse while I’m there? I remember thinking the whole way there, please please please sleep Baby D! She did NOT sleep! In fact she did the opposite of sleep, she fussed, she cried, she was NOT my little princess that day! They did the test anyways, she got what they call a “refer” meaning she needed to be referred to an audiologist. The tech performing the test reassured me that they get these often, it could be caused by fluid in ear (they do live in water for 9 months before birth) or it could be machine malfunction, and since she was so fussy that day it could simply be from that.

The moment she got that “refer” test result, I knew! Things from my pregnancy came rushing back to me, the 2 weddings I had attending, dancing away and not once feeling the baby kicks that “everyone” feels when around loud sounds during pregnancy… I even remember asking my midwife after one wedding, why my baby hadn’t responded to the music. Her response, was, babies are so cushioned in there, its not loud to them. I remember being skeptical but thought “OK”. How about the fact that I once vacuumed for 2 hrs straight during my pregnancy (it was my job- I was a maid-not some sort of maniac vaccuumer) and my sweet baby bump didn’t respond at all? Yep, from that ” refer” moment, I definitely knew! I bundled my sweet Baby D back into her car seat, while the tech assured me over and over, it didn’t mean anything for sure and reschedule another test for the following week. I stayed composed the whole time, although I can’t promise that my face didn’t scream, I just want to be alone with my baby! I got Baby D in the car and immediately called her Daddy who had to work that day, the moment I heard his voice, I completely and wholely broke down. I sat there sobbing into the phone, with my cranky, baby fussing in the background. I couldn’t even talk. My poor man, repeatedly asking, WHAT is wrong?? By the time I gathered myself up enough to talk he was in near panick mode. I half sobbed, half screamed at him, “She can’t hear me, tell her I Love her!” I explained everything that happened and he reassured me, it’ll be OK. Let’s see what happens, after they test her again. It didn’t matter to me, I knew.

Fast forward a week, same test (this time my princess was back – Thank Goodness) Same result. The tech, looked at me and again reassured me that it didn’t mean anything – this time she was less convincing. We were referred to a pediatric audiologist, unfortunately the closest one to us was 2 hrs away and our appointment wasn’t until Dec 23, a whole 3 weeks away! What a LONG 3 weeks!

Talk about an emotional rollercoaster!! Feeling like I knew she had hearing loss, everyone telling me not to get ahead of myself, not to mention still coming to grips with being a new mom. The thing I remember most is just wanting everyone to leave me and my little family alone. Quit asking g me questions I can’t answer, quit looking at my beautiful baby differently! I wanted a bubble to keep us all safe, from the outside world.

I would be lying to you and myself if I said there weren’t still days, that I felt exactly like that!

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Welcome to Mom of A Deafie

Welcome!

So, I’m not going to try to kid you or myself, by saying that I am any good at this whole writing thing. In fact lets be honest here, I have NEVER written anything before!

The purpose of this blog is simple.  I have feelings, thoughts, and questions that are swimming around in my head all day and more importantly, all night long that I just need to give an eviction notice to. Among all these ridiculous thoughts are, “how do I get these thoughts out of my head so I can possibly get 2 hours of sleep in a row?” So last night I thought, Hey, write a blog! So, here I am!

I am many things in my world, Executive Chef, Maid, Teacher, Secretary, Dog Walker, Grocery Shopper and Hearing Aid Fixer! Yep, You got it, I am a Mom! Not just any Mom, I am a new Mom, I am also a new Mom with a Daughter who was born with bi-lateral moderate/severe hearing loss.  Which makes me your new Blogger friend – Mom-of-a-Deafie.

My daughter has a sort-of nickname in our family….we call her Baby D (just for the record, this has NOTHING to do with the fact that she is hard of hearing or deaf) So for the time being during this blogging adventure, I will refer to her as exactly that…Baby D. Baby D is currently one week shy of being 11 months old…wait what?!? HOW does that happen? How do they go from being cute little bundles of joy that rely on you for everything to being 11 months old in the blink of an eye?? OK. Sorry. Back on track here Momma… Baby D is 11 months old and as stated before has bi-lateral moderate/severe hearing loss. She wears bilateral hearing aids (yes, that just means two…I honestly had to look this up, when the term was first said to me), which she has a Love/Hate relationship with. She has worn them since 4 1/2 months of age…crazy right? I thought so too!

So, why are you here? Maybe it’s because you have found yourself in my shoes, the new parent of a deaf or hard of hearing child, perhaps you are here because you are a “deafie” yourself and you want to see what I have to say (trust me I have nothing but love, for my beautiful “deafie”), or maybe you are just curious or nosey (I am 100% guilty of the nosey factor). Regardless of why you are willing to read my ramblings, I want to say Thank You and I encourage you to come back, read along and enjoy our journey into the world of raising a child with hearing loss.

I will not promise you a bunch of facts, or lists of do’s and don’ts, but I will promise a realistic look into our life, our experiences and the truth about the feelings that accompany each and every step that we take along the way. I genuinely hope that at least one person reads this, and doesn’t feel so alone in the hearing loss world. When this journey started for us,  I was a researching addict, and all I felt was weighed down with information and statistics. Trust me, its not as bad as it seems! That is a promise that I WILL make, and stand behind 100%!  I also hope to provide you with at least a little chuckle with each post, if not because of my story, than at least you can laugh at me from afar for my writing.

So, here goes blogging world, Look Out, cause this Mom-of-a-deafie is out on the loose!